One More Resource
Rumor Queen posted a link to a free ebook called “Realistic Expectations”. It’s a compilation of articles on topics ranging from attachment to establishing good sleep habits. Fear not, though, there are also plenty of articles that apply to friends and family, too! Aren’t you lucky? You can download it here. Did I mention it’s FREE?
We’ve had a lot of helpful advice from parents who have been there and done that, and it’s been invaluable. We’ve also had a lot of input from well-meaning people who have absolutely NO CLUE what they’re saying. Few things push my buttons more than somebody patently dismissing my concerns for my child (i.e. “Well, you really don’t know how your child will be affected. He could have no issues whatsoever.). These kinds of statements seem innocuous, but they are at best naive, and at worst harmful. While it’s true that I won’t know just how MUCH my child will be affected, I DO know that he WILL be. And while I fervently hope that he will have “no issues”, I doubt that will be the case, and there’s no harm at all in being prepared for that.
I do know one thing for sure, though: My child is the cutest, most awesome kid EVER, and I can’t wait to bring him home.
May 27th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
I suspect it is an "expect the best but prepare for the worst" kind of situation.
May 27th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
Kind of. The bottom line is that ALL institutionalized children have special needs. At the very least, he'll be dealing with a pretty heavy amount of loss (I mean, it's akin to landing on Mars….EVERYTHING is different, and you can't communicate at ALL. You've lost every single thing that was familiar). Also, unlike spending a warm and happy 9 months in mah belly, he's basically gonna look at me and think "Who in the HELL is this???", so I suspect attachment will be an issue, at least for a little while. More than anything, though, I really want people to understand that, even though kids are resilient (and if I had a dime for every time somebody has told me that, then I'd change my name to Donald Trump), some kids need a little something extra.
May 27th, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Institutionalized children go through a lot in the course of adjusting to a new environment, but – you're right – there's no way you can predict the extent of grieving or how it will manifest itself over the next 20+ years. I wouldn't call it preparing for the worst. I think it's just simply being prepared to understand and help your son in any way you can. And – you're right, Merrin – he is the cutest! (I think he gets that from me!)
May 27th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
That’s just one of those things that’s impossible to predict. Of course you hope for no sleeping issues, that’s like parent lottery. That and them listening to you 100% of the time, but if that were the case, I’m thinking we’d all be like the Duggars.