Four Days’ Worth of Anomalies
When your 34 year-old husband has a heart attack, there are bound to be a few weird things that happen. Here are a few of the highlights over the past few days:
1) Having 35 different people check out your husband’s groin. Seriously, Kevin’s groin has gotten more action in the past few days than he has over his entire life.
2) Not being able to smooch your husband while his pulse-ox meter is attached. That’s the thing that fits on your index (or little) finger that monitors your oxygen levels. Anything more than a quick peck, and the alarm would go off. This made for an interesting anniversary.
3) Learning how to cuddle in a hospital bed, and playing with the up and down buttons on said bed. In a few weeks, we may seriously have to consider getting one of those babies.
4) Trying not to laugh too much when the medical tape and electrodes that were stuck all over him were removed. Really? Was it that much worse than having your eyebrows waxed?
5) In relation to #4: Watching Kevin almost punch a girl. This is *so* not like him, but I swear, he almost punched the sweet little nurse yesterday when she removed his IVs. And he almost broke my fingers because he was squeezing them so hard.
6) Trying to figure out the puzzle that is a hospital gown. Those things require a MENSA membership or an advanced degree to assemble, especially if you’re trying to prevent an entire hospital ward from checking out your husband’s junk.
7) Ah, lucky number 7. And time for a little seriousness. Watching Kevin be loaded on to a chopper, watching that chopper take off, and feeling more helpless than I ever have.
8 ) /Seriousness. Finding myself actually WANTING to wait on my husband hand and foot. Sure, I pretty much did it anyway, but now I am really enjoying it. At least for now. 😉
9) Navigating the minefield that is the hospital shower. Seriously? If there is anywhere in the world that there should be anti-skid pads, you’d think it would be in a hospital shower. Not so much.
10). Learning to snooze through random beeps, alarms, clicks, whirs, and various interruptions by nurses. It’s totally do-able, and surprising how quickly you can adapt (not that either one of us recommend it).
There are more, and there are definitely some super-serious and stressful moments that we both had this week, but I think it’s about time for a little levity. Because at the end of the day, we’re more in love with each other than ever, and that’s one thing that will never be an anomaly.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:13 pm
1) True, sadly.
2) We won’t forget this anniversary, I suspect.
3) I’m down with the Craftmatic features, but *OUT* on the mattress. I’m more sore from the bed than anything. Maybe we can check into magic fingers??
4) Yes, it was that much worse.
5) I came within a couple seconds of slapping her. That was INSANE tape, wax & stickers. Damn.
6) I’m blaming my inability to dress myself on the meds. Or on reason #1.
7) I promise I’ll never make you feel that way again.
8) I promise I’ll never make you feel that way again.
9) Kudos to the hospital for having showers big enough for a threesome. (Patients and nurses, you sickos)
10) I think I fell in love with the sleeping pills. Mmmm, sleep.
May 1st, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Wait just a minute. There was no nurse in that shower with us….