The ghoulies and ghosties will start showing up soon, begging for candy. In the meantime, however, I have two spooky stories to share:
1) When I bought Halloween candy last week, I neglected to buy Twix. Now, many of you know how much my husband loves him some Twix bars. Today, I tried to rectify the situation. I went to THREE different grocery stores AND Super Target. None of them had any bags of mini-Twix. There was plenty of candy of all other brands. I even went to the “normal” candy aisle, not just the Halloween aisle. NO TWIX. It’s a Halloween consipiracy.
2) True story (and I don’t give a crap what the Straight Dope says, cuz it IS true): I put out street lights. I first noticed it when I was a kid, and it has kept up ever since. The theory is that you don’t notice when they DON’T go out, only when they do. WRONG. I watch them obsessively. Sure enough, if I’m walking or driving after dark, I put out an average of 8-10 streetlights, no matter what time it is. So there.
Everybody have a safe and happy Halloween!
Our local ABC affiliate is doing a month-long series on women’s health and today they have chosen to spotlight lupus. The following is an actual transcript of a conversation that takes place during the news:
Me: Oh look. They’re featuring lupus.
Kevin: Why are they talking about werewolves?
Me: It’s not about werewolves. It’s an auto-immune disorder.
Kevin: No it’s not. Professor Lupin from Harry Potter was a werewolf. Lupus is a disease that makes people werewolves. All werewolves are women. That’s like saying “werewolves don’t kill people, people kill people”.
Please keep in mind that he was perfectly serious.
Here’s a friendly public service announcement: Don’t buy the cheap drinking glasses. They break in the dishwasher. This has happened before. In fact, we’ve had to buy additional sets of glasses to replace the ones that have broken. I have cut my hands and fingers taking them out of the dishwasher (they break pretty cleanly, and sometimes, the don’t break all the way until you’re putting them away).
Up until now, I’ve put up with it, because, hey, they’re cheap. NOT ANYMORE. I emptied the dishwasher last night (it’s typically the last thing I do at night). Then, I got a drink of water, using, of course, the glass I just removed. And then, the pain. The blood. The horror. The damn glass was broken, and I sliced open my face. I had to wake up poor Kevin and go to the ER. I now have 8 stitches, Angelina Jolie’s lips, and a lovely little Hitler mustache. Crap.
Yep. I voted. In fact, I voted for Kinky. So there.
I have always been a sucker for marketing. I even went through a phase where I wanted to own a Saturn because their commercials were great. Given the sad mood around our house, I found myself feeling better for having watched the Liberty Mutual commercial. Normally, I fast forward through them, but I’m glad I caught this one.
Abby Sue made the trip over the Rainbow Bridge today. Although we are very sad, we know she is having a ball playing with Bonkers, Dixie, Tinker, Greta, Fritz, and Hawk.
We will miss her.
As it turns out, I am bad at math. Anyone that knows me can testify. HOWEVER, there is finally proof that it’s not because I’m stoopid. I am simply happy and confident.
Suck it, math.
Hooray for chat. Hooray for old friends. Hooray for old friends who use chat.
It’s cool outside today. It’s raining. In fact, when I woke up this morning, I thought it was still night time, since it was so dark out. Hmmmmmmm….What’s a girl to do on a chilly, rainy, dark day? Why, watch Lifetime TV, of course! In fact, the only time I tune into Lifetime, Television for Women, is when it’s chilly and rainy outside.
But here’s the weird part: When it’s chilly and rainy outside, Lifetime always runs Coed Call Girl With Tori Spelling. I am not a Tori Spelling fan, and I am most certainly not a Lifetime fan, but I am willing to bet that almost every girl has seen Coed Call Girl With Tori Spelling. You know who you are. And it’s as if Lifetime TV somehow knows when it’s chilly and rainy here in the Metroplex. They know that I’m gonna tune in to watch Coed Call Girl With Tori Spelling.
I was joking with C this morning about this. I even pulled up the guide on the Tivo. I didn’t really expect it to be there, but she can testify on my behalf that I am not crazy. IT WAS THERE!!!! Lifetime TV can read minds and control the weather.
Or maybe Tori Spelling has super powers hiding in her super-sized boobies.
Here’s the thing. We live in an age where women are expected to go to work everyday. Stay-at-home moms are quickly becoming an urban legend. We, as women, tend to define our lives by our jobs. We label our careers (account executive, director of finance, general manager) and wear them like badges of honor. I know this because I did it for 12 years. We willingly sacrifice time with our families so that we can bring home the bacon, which we then fry up in the proverbial pan. We clean the house, we change the diapers, and we get up in the morning and head back to work. We drop our kids at daycare, where the teachers get to bear witness to each new miracle happening in our little ones’ lives.
And then….we reach our breaking point, or at least some of us do. We wake up and we realize that we’re tired of being Super Woman. It’s as if someone punched us in the face and made us face up to the fact that our families are suffering, because we’re not here to pick up the pieces. I understand that there are a WHOLE LOT of women who would give anything to be able to stay at home with the kids, but they just can’t make it on a single income. I get that. I really do. And I applaud those who can handle the job and the family. I, however, am not one of those women.
That’s right. I’m not that girl. I worked upwards of 50 hours a week for 12 years. I never saw my husband. Forget taking care of everybody else; I didn’t even have time to take care of myself.
So I was talking to a friend today (a recent stay-at-homer), and she’s making the transition from bringing home a paycheck to being a full-time mom and wife. It’s hard, this transition. You begin to feel bad about yourself, since it’s been hammered into our heads since we were little girls that it’s our duty to all womankind to get a job. You begin to doubt your decision, since all of a sudden, you clip coupons and buy generic soda, whereas before, you never even thought twice about it. People look at you strangely when they ask where you work and you tell them that you don’t (even weirder for me, since I don’t have kids yet. No kids AND no job? Yep. I must be a freak).
BUT. Then our husbands come home from work, and dinner’s on the table. The laundry is always done, the sheets are always clean, and the floor stays vacuumed. Cookies get baked with regularity. The dogs go to the vet. All the little details that you haven’t had time for suddenly get attended. You get to see your child’s reaction to every little thing. You don’t miss out on the miracles.
I realize how lucky I am. I know that I’ve been given an amazing gift. So. To all you stay-at-home moms: You are all my heroes. You have the hardest, most demanding job in the world. True, you don’t bring home a paycheck, but what you do is so much more important. And if you start to feel bad because you’re not the “breadwinner” (and yes, apparently people still use this word), or because you realize that you no longer make a financial contribution to the family coffers, just remember that you were there to kiss the boo-boo. You were the one that made those cookies.
As someone reminded me today, everyday should be a special occasion. That’s why I quit my job. Life is too short not to do exactly what you want with it…..no matter what anybody else says or thinks.
Kevin is in San Francisco. I’m in the Mound. There are sooooo many things wrong with that. He gets the good food. He gets the cool temperatures (93 degrees here today, thanks). He gets to hang out in North Beach.
The thing that is the suckiest, though, is that he’s not here. Come home soon, baby.
Yep, that’s right. It’s that time of the year. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so head on over to Boobie-Thon and make a donation. And, if it floats your boat, look at some boobies while you’re there.
It’s been quite the news week (and not in the gossipy, Star Jones, Anna Nicole kind of way). First: What the hell is going on in our schools? It seems like there is a new act of violence every day, and it’s aimed at kids. CNN’s poll today was “Do you think your child’s school is safe?”. That shouldn’t even be entering our consciousness, but there it is. Three in a week. Damn.
Second: Mark Foley. Sick bastard. It seems like he thinks that if he checks himself into rehab, then maybe the shitstorm will just blow over….like it does for people like Mel Gibson. Not so fast, buddy. You need to be in prison. Here’s a friendly tip, though: You might want to request to be separated from the general population. They don’t like child predators so much in the big house. On second thought, maybe they deserve their chance at you. How is it that ABC News can uncover all kinds of information, but Hastert and the GOP leadership neglected to fully investigate?
And no, Kevin, I’m not blaming the GOP, and yes, I think Nancy Pelosi needs to keep her trap shut. I’m simply posing the question that seems to be on everybody’s minds, regardless of political affiliation.
To sum up: To all the crazies out there, stop taking our schools hostage. It’s really pissing me off. To Mark Foley: You are a sick bastard. You need to go to prison for a veerrryy long time. To ABC News: Thanks. Good job.
