MerrinDonahue.com

So I was looking at the mail today, and I see a letter from our mortgage company. On the outside of the envelope, the words “Final Notice” are stamped in red. I had a heart attack right then and there. I started thinking, “How could this happen?!?!?!” Then I opened the envelope. It seems that our ever-so-thoughtful mortgage company is offering one last chance to take advantage of an offer for “accident insurance”. No, our house payment isn’t late. In fact, it’s never been late. In the span of a few seconds, I pictured myself packing up and moving back in with my mother, destitute and homeless. Here’s a lesson for the mortgage people: Don’t play games with the heart patient. I thought I was going to die. Not nice, Big Financial Institution. Not nice at all.

Oh, my. There is something so disturbing about this. Can you imagine, far in the future, what her children will go through?
Little Timmy will ask his friend: “What’s your mom’s name?”
And, alas, IHateMyMom.com will be forced to answer.
Oh, dear.

Get over to Kevin’s for pictures of the new kitchen. The floor is next…..

Why are the flags at car dealerships so big? Why doesn’t everyone have flags this size? And don’t tell me it’s a landmark thing, because then everyone would have them (i.e. shopping malls, banks, etc.). Just a thought.

That means it’s time for Queer Eye! I must say, this show has had an overwhelmingly positive impact on my husband. For 30 years, he has shellacked his hair with hairspray. Then, after watching Kyan last week, he decided to branch out. Over the past few days, he has been using gel (sure, it may not seem like much to you, but believe me, this is truly an event!). But wait, there’s more! He’s even been referring to it as “product”, just like the Fab 5! The following is an excerpt from a conversation which took place yesterday:
Kev: “Honey, feel my hair!”
Me: “Wow! What did you do?”
Kev: “I used product!!!”
Thank you, Fab 5. You’ve changed my life.
Oh, yeah. Boy Meets Boy also premiers tonight. Can’t wait! Yay, Bravo!

There may be more paint on me than on the walls. However, even without Kevin’s help, my kitchen is now painted a bright and lively apple green. Okay, I may have left the really high stuff for Kev, but I did all the trim myself. I have blisters and I look like I’m related to Kermit the Frog, but my kitchen is gorgeous. Pictures to follow at another time….

After a highly entertaining day yesterday, Kevin and I decided that it’s finally time to paint the kitchen. We’ve even agreed on a color. So, three hours later, the kitchen is taped off and (mostly) primed. Now we just need to paint. Too bad we’re tired. I think it’s going to have to wait until tomorrow…..

We’re heading to Fort Worth today to take in the Kimbell and Uncle Julio’s (or possibly Kincaid’s). And a good time will be had by all.

Or can I? As much as I’d love to see the Bucs take it all the way again, I’m not sure that this is much of a motivator for me.

Any minute now, someone is going to come knock on my door and demand I give my girl license back. I had to go shopping today, which I absolutely loathe. I had a single mission, which I reluctantly chose to accept: Procure one pair of black pants. After trying on every pair of black pants in three department stores and four specialty stores, I finally found some that will suffice. Sure, this may sound okay to all you other women, but for me, the whole experience is my very own personal hell. I’m the girl who gives her mother money and sends her to the mall for me (totally true. Yeah, I’m almost 30, so what? My mom still dresses me). I would rather have 5 root canals than spend 5 minutes trying on clothes. You can only imagine how fragile my mental state is right now after spending 4 hours at the mall. Kevin is so in charge of dinner.

Is a dangerous thing. Most people know that we have two Tivo receivers, with a grand total of 4 tuners. Yeah, yeah….spare me the lecture about it only being the two of us, how could we possibly need that many Tivos, yada yada yada. Here’s my point: Last night, we were in the living room watching tv. I had the Tivo remote, therefore I was in charge of zipping through the commercials. That is, until the program started fast-forwarding itself. I was truly stymied by this enigma, until I saw my husband gleefully waving another Tivo remote in my direction (it should be noted that he only did this to mess with my head, which he often loves to do. I’m still singing Tom’s Diner…) Dammit. Does a girl have to give up everything?

Sure, we’ve all heard of red-assed baboons, but it turns out that red-faced baboons are much more attractive.

With a nod to Cindy, I humbly offer you this Michael Jackson story. The man is just creepy. Since most rational people run screaming in the other direction whenever he speaks out on an issue, I think it is safe to say that downloaders can look forward to a long prison term….

Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up feeling really good about the world in general? Today was like that. And then it got better. I got phone calls from two friends (just saying hi), then a letter from my sister-in-law’s mom (would that make her my Mother-In-Law-In-Law?), who is one of the best ladies I know. To top it off, the sun is shining, my husband is happy, my dogs are healthy, and employment prospects are looking good, even if they’re not essential right now. Forgive me for being overly chipper. It really is a beautiful day. Now if I could just find a Hello Kitty window cling…..

So we watched The Restaurant last night (of course we did—we always watch bad TV). I was actually surprised, and even though I wanted to smack the whiny Rocco, it was entertaining, in the way that mindless television should be. It was not, however, as good as the Faking It episode with the Captain of the US Beer Drinking Team studying to be a sommelier. And if you don’t have cable (gasp!), have no fear: NBC will begin airing Queer Eye this Thursday, so now you can see what all the hype is about.