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Wife. Mommy. Lover of cookies.

From Twitter...

RT @HonestToddler: Toddler Tip: She has a bounty of nerves underneath that "last" one. Don't worry :)

The Best Stuff Ever Said. Ever.

The following phrases/sentences/words were actually said out loud at work (yes, some of them were uttered by me):

*You don’t even know me and possums.
*Merry Christmas from the red-eyed vermin.
*If the van is a-rockin’, grab the butter and grease me up.
*{{panicked}} I’ve lost my insanity!
*Can she wax my butt mustache? (Thanks, Nick)
*That’s 32′ of sandwich!
*Oh jeez, she’s peeing.
*Beads of smell-goodness.
*One can is not enough for my two foots.
*I’ve never had trouble quitting smoking before! (Props to Jesse, the world’s fastest chain-smoker)
*Dumpster lovin’, had me a blast.
*I had no trouble peeing; I found the sink.
*I wouldn’t touch my own vomit.
*I would not suck on the cross. (This one’s all me)
*Linzer palm (No, you did not read it wrong)
And finally,
*This is not brain science.
Ponder these deepest of thoughts. I hope they brighten up your day and make you giggle as much as I did. If I did not give you credit, it’s only because I was afraid you’d be embarrassed. :blush

One Response to “The Best Stuff Ever Said. Ever.”

  1. Kristen Says:

    Yesterday I made the wise comment:

    “By the time we get to Outback, we’ll be at Outback.”




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