MerrinDonahue.com

There’s a news story right now about a Dallas coach who was fired because his basketball team won a game 100-0. That’s right: He was fired because he won by too MUCH. Apparently, it wasn’t nice to win by that much. Now, yes, his team DID run up the score. However, even the losing coach admits that the winning team backed off for a while. So what about the losing team? Did they deserve a special favor of some sort? Lots of extra free throws, perhaps? Or did they learn that maybe, just maybe, they need to practice a little bit more? Or maybe they need to find a different sport to play?

To me, this is just one more example of parents/educators gone terribly awry. I went to a super-competitive private school. If you lost, then you learned to do better. If you got a bad grade, you studied harder. At home, if you wanted a toy, you waited for Christmas or your birthday. You didn’t get a new Barbie just because you didn’t throw a fit at the grocery store. The expectations were SO. MUCH. HIGHER. than they are for kids today. My parents didn’t do my homework for me (and the one kid whose mom DID do his homework got horribly ridiculed). If we broke a toy, we didn’t get a replacement. And when I lost a tennis match or a soccer game, I damn sure didn’t get a Participation Trophy (and what’s with those, anyway? You get a trophy just because you showed up? I don’t think so).

When I was working, I had an excruciatingly hard time finding qualified younger management candidates. These kids were so used to having things handed to them, and they were constantly told what good people they were. Sure, positive affirmations are great, but they have to be rooted in reality. Little Susie who can’t spell or add (even though she has a college degree) isn’t going to get the job, and she won’t even understand why. And I sure wasn’t giving out consolation prizes to the people I didn’t hire.

My point is this: We’re not doing the future generations any favors by constantly spewing sunshine and roses at them. Kids that have more toys than they can play with are SPOILED, and they WILL grow up with less of an appreciation for the things they do have. Kids shouldn’t have TV’s in their rooms (sorry, Moms that do this, but I just can’t abide by this one. TV should be limited). Kids WILL lose. They’ll lose the big game, they’ll make bad decisions, and they’ll bring home bad grades. They NEED to lose occasionally in order to understand the value of winning. And, yes, it’s important to win gracefully, but it’s equally important to lose gracefully. Losing teaches us to identify and evaluate our weaknesses in an effort to improve ourselves. Getting a Participation Trophy just teaches us that the path of least resistance is still going to be rewarded.

Willy Wonka had it right: If you don’t win, then you LOSE sir. Good day.