MerrinDonahue.com

I really like :beer. I always have. But what girl wants all the extra carbs? Oh, all right. I’ve never really cared, but I figured if they make a low-carb beer, I’d give it a try. It took a while for it to be readily available at my local Kroger, and since I’m too lazy to go to the liquor store to find it, I just waited until one day, it magically appeared! Michelob Ultra may not be the tastiest beer out there, but it’s not that bad. And now I don’t have to worry about ruining my figure along with my liver. Hooray!

I really wish that Kevin enjoyed Halloween more. Don’t get me wrong—he loves the kids with the costumes, he loves handing out candy (although I suspect he enjoys the leftover candy more), and he gets a kick out of cleverly carved jack-o-lanterns. But I can’t ever seem to get him to go for the whole “let’s deck out the house in spider webs and watch scary movies” thing.

I am grateful, however, that he is not like this guy. I firmly believe that all people should have their idiosyncracies, ‘cuz that’s what makes life fun. But there’s a limit, and Crazy Pumpkin Carving Man has certainly reached it.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I told you so. How could you have possibly missed the whole Carmela/Furio thing? Boo-yah. I also have to give props to Kev, as I am beginning to suspect that he is right about a pregnancy, and I’ll bet money that it’s Ade. And I know it’s a week too late, but since I haven’t said anything about it already: Go AJ! Only, next time, you might want to be a little more suave about scoping out a..um….location. And thank God Paulie is back. I can’t wait to see what he and Johnny Sacks are cooking up. In honor of the season finally heating up (thanks Steve Buscemi), here are my five favorite Sopranos quotes to date
1) “I don’t have antiques; my house is Traditional.”—Carmela
2) “God, I love marrow!” —Janice
3) “What am I, a toxic person?” —Tony
4)”In the future, I would ask that you extend to me the same courtesy that you would a crack addict.” —Jennifer
5) “Wow, that’s what a crack ho looks like!” —AJ

I’m almost mobile again. Make no mistake–I went to work today, I just didn’t move a whole lot. Again, big thanks to Mom and her magical supply of Soma, not to mention the torture of a deep tissue massage. Also, it should be noted that Kevin went to Walgreen’s late last night to procure some ThermaCare Heat Wraps, which, in my humble opinion, should win the Nobel Prize. By tomorrow, I should be back to my old self, or damn close to it. To celebrate the return of motion, I just lit a fire in the fireplace. This is also my way of giving Troy Dungan the finger, since he just retracted his original forcast of a freeze for the weekend. See, I love the cold, and now I have to settle for lukewarm. Oh well. At least I’ll be able to move around.

And God said “I smite thee”. I actually heard Him this morning while I was in the shower. All of a sudden, I was crippled by a blinding pain. It seems I have managed to pinch a nerve in my neck. I’m pretty sure it’s revenge for flinging a pillow at Kevin when he refused to get up before me. Immediate retribution. I was washing my hair, and boom. White-hot agony. Searing pain. G’ahead. Mock me. Everyone else has all day, since I look like friggin’ IGOR! “Yessssss, master”. I swear on everything holy, I have never in my life been in such pain. Thank God for Mom, her emergency supply of pharmaceuticals, and her willingness to do “traction” on my aching neck and overstressed back.

I am officially entering the hardest week of the year. I think working retail during the Holiday Season is a lot like childbirth—you forget the pain at the end, and you only remember the beauty and the joy. At least, this is what I tell my self at the beginning of every Holiday Season. So far, the self-deception seems to be working, since this is my 8th Christmas with Barnes and Noble. Only this particular week, to make things extra-special, I have to worry about the Big Guns coming to visit. You know the ones—the suits from Corporate who love to descend “just to check” and “assess the environment”, not to mention “challenge the culture”. What does that even mean? How do you think the environment is? It’s friggin’ Holiday set-up, and it’s not even Halloween! You can take a culture of my throat, if that makes you feel any better. It’s pretty sore from yelling at everybody today. Assess this!
Ok. I feel better now. Apparantly, I’ve been bitten by the bitter bug. Everything would be fine if I could just locate my ticket back to Apathy-land, the amusement park for the intentionally unconcerned.

But it’s a little sad that he didn’t have to ask for directions.

I know that the online Christmas list was a big hit last year, but now I’m having moral qualms. I mean, doesn’t it seem just the tiniest bit selfish?
Ok, I’m over it. Kev should have me up in a minute. Presents kick ass!

UPDATE — Kevin has set the dns on the new subdomain so it should be working later tongiht. To view the Christmas lists, go to

http://xmas.kevindonahue.com

Sure the man loves his Tivo. I think that much is evident after reading his lengthy love letter. Good thing he went and surprised me with James Taylor tickets. The only drawback is that we have to go to Oklahoma to see him, since he is not planning a stop in Dallas until next year. Really, though, it’s worth it. If you’ve ever seen him live, then you know what I’m talking about. Besides, music is one thing that Kevin and I have never really agreed on: I listen to just about anything, and Kev is very selective about what he likes/hates (example: The Cure. I love ’em, Kev doesn’t get it). So on the rare occasion that we can come together on this, I think it’s really important that we make the most of it. even if it means driving to NORMAN, Oklahoma. In the middle of Christmas season. In retail. My willingness to do this should not only prove my love of James Taylor, but also my undying devotion to my husband.
So, once again, my Kevin wins the Husband of the Year award by going and doing something completely cool and unexpected. So, I suppose I have no choice but to share him with the other woman that is Tivo.
Thanks, baby. I love you, too.

I so very much do not want to go to work today. Yes, I know that it’s only 10 or so hours out of my day, but just the thought of having to take a shower, get dressed, put in my contact lenses, and go be in charge of stuff is kind of a drag. I’d much rather be sleeping.
Also, I’m sad because Richard Harris died. This really sucks, because now, who will play Dumbledore in the next Harry Potter movie? Why is this even important to me? I mean, is there nothing more important in my life than this? I’m sure there is, really, but I just don’t want to think about things like putting my house on the market, packing, moving, taking the dog to the vet, etc.
The good news is that even though Kev had to work this morning, he’ll manage to be home before I have to leave for work. That’s very good news. Florida State plays today, so I know he’ll be busy. That reminds me: I better go make sure we have chips and beer.

Every once in a while, I go through little spells where I actually sleep. I know, it truly is an anomaly. Sleep, however, comes with a rather hefty price tag. When I finally do manage to nod off, the dreams come. Not your typical, run-of-the-mill talking dog type dreams either. I’m talking doozies. 2 nights ago, I dreamed that Kevin was having an affair, and then he left me, and it freaked me out the whole next day. He thought I’d lost what’s left of my mind when I told him. Then last night, not too long after the blissful waves of slumber washed over me, I dreamed I ran a Dude Ranch. I don’t like horses. I don’t like Dudes. I don’t particularly care for “ranches”. But there I was, supervising barrel races and cattle round-ups. A renegade goat started chasing me, and I woke up in a cold sweat. What the hell is wrong with me?
I did a little research, and learned that my subconscious is trying to tell me…..absolutely nothing.
So thanks, but no thanks. I think I’ll stay up and check out the infomercials tonight. I hear that the Home Shopping Channel has some killer deals.

Ok, I admit it. I’m hooked on reading people’s blogs. There are quite a few that I haunt with alarmingly increasing frequency. I have to see what other people are doing with their days. And while I know that nobody is flocking to check out the latest sordid details of a) my marriage, b) my job, or c) whatever is left, I can’t help but hope that maybe someone is getting a little giggle over my misadventures, and just maybe someone is identifying with my personal soap opera. I know that I’m the last one to the party (AGAIN), but fashionably late is better than never. Blogging is cool.

So Brooke started giving me “homework” about 3 months ago. See, I had to learn the lyrics to EVERY Bruce Springsteen song ever written so that I won’t embarrass her when we go to the concert. I feel relatively confident that I will not be the source of embarrassment, as I am sure that Brooke and Jackie will make horrendous fools of themselves screaming and throwing themselves at the stage like giddy teenagers. Until November 3, however, I will be dutifully listening to The Rising while planning sychronized dance moves, which will, of course, be sure to catch The Boss’s eye.

Do they really think they can get away with shoplifting? “Oh, please don’t call the police. I’ve never done this before. I don’t want to have a record”. Uh huh. “Hello, 911?” THEN the guy bolts. But only after I’ve recorded the information from his driver’s license. Idiot. So right about now, the police are knock-knock-knockin’ on his door and taking him away. It’s cool to be on the right side of the law.

So my brilliant idea was to start Christmas shopping yesterday. Really. I thought, hey, we can knock out a bunch if we attack the malls in an all-out blitz. Sounds good, right? Nope. We get to the mall, and of course, all powers of reasoning flee. Kevin and I headed to Old Navy, which we left with a significantly lighter wallet. Then it was on to shoes. So, what started out as a shopping spree for others became a shopping spree for us. No matter, I’m sure we can try again next weekend.
Along those same lines, please let us know what all of you would like this year. I know Kev posted this already, but I wanted in on the action, too. Look for our online wish lists to be posted this week. They’re on their way, I promise. Also, if any of you have any ideas for Kev, please let me know, since I am once again at a complete loss.